To wish upon a star

I used to be a dreamer. The actual, stereotypical kind. The one who cuddled up with a nice cup of tea in the candlelight and wished upon stars or the new moon. I wished so hard year after year after year. Did any of those wishes come true? Of course not. I only told the stars and the moon and the wells around the world who accepted the occasional penny tossed in. I gotta admit, switching my five-quid headset and laptop for an actual recording studio is something I never thought was going to happen. Or replacing the iPad and wanna-be film camera for a film set in the highlands. And now that dream came true. It’s scary. And kind of awesome.

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With Jamie Smyth on the set of “The Last Equinox”

And reality reminds me why I dreamed it in the first place. When we dream we tend to do it in this idealistic, utopian light and the world seldom live up to our expectations. But right now, I think the world can step up to the dream. And speaking of dreams; another one came true just a little while ago. I can’t talk about it but I can tell you this; I wished upon a star. And then I put myself out there and I’ve never felt more vulnerable. And that’s it. If you don’t put yourself out there, no one will know that you exist. Someone once told me that with great risk comes great reward. Dreams only come true if you’re all in. And that’s hard to be.

What gives me strength to keep fighting? Honestly. I don’t know. On the other hand I write. And I’m the crazy person who talks to herself, imagining characters and dialogue. Not giving a fuck if a stranger finds me a bit odd. Some of it I present to the world to see, if they know where and how to look for it. Some of it I bury deep in the recesses of my mind. Perhaps it is my passion that forces me, kicking and screaming, forwards. Forwards in time and forwards in mind. I do have happy days, days when memories don’t hurt. And I do have days when they do. And that’s ok.

Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake up in the day to find it was vanity, but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible. - T. E. Lawrence

I want to take this week’s post to let you know what my heart says every day: Thank you. Thank you to everyone who has supported me, to everyone who hasn’t, to everyone who has been true to me and everyone who has lied to boost my confidence. Everyone of you shows me how far I have come and how much I have still to gain, how much I still have to prove and that the dream that I have been chasing all my life has been there all along. I have always been told that the greatest thing that a person can do is to reach their dreams, but that seems like the dream has and end-date, a definite goal but it doesn’t. Dreams never end, they change, they grow, but they don’t end and I realized something. I have been living my dream all my life, since the moment I first stepped onto the set of a commercial and knew that I had found the place where I belong. I have been fighting every day of my life so that I never have to stop dreaming. More importantly, I realized my dream would never leave me. That there was no “use by” date. As I grew up I had been convinced that I needed to get my break in my late teens in order to have a career at all, that everything after that would be too late. I was wrong. My dream will never end, that stardom-career might have to wait but there is time and my acting grows with my age like a fine wine.

Someone once told me that when you aim high you get shot down, when you aim higher you’ll reach the skies. That same someone also told me to live without regret and be wild and free. Anything else really is just wasted energy.

Never stop believing in yourself, in your art and in your work.
Only then can your dreams come true.

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